


One more willow

by ShinMeiko



Series: What if multiverse [17]
Category: Simonverse | Creekwood Series - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:28:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25959064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShinMeiko/pseuds/ShinMeiko
Summary: All they have to do is be happy forever and everything will be alright.But Bram's mother has a hard time adjusting to this new relationship and that might complicate things more than Bram anticipated.Sequel to 'Chapter 57 - What if one of them was a Faery?' in my 'what if' series.
Relationships: Bram Greenfeld/Simon Spier
Series: What if multiverse [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1373731
Comments: 78
Kudos: 53





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know a few of you really want the other series to get an update (and it will, I have started the following chapter), but I am still a bit caught up in this story so I want to write the sequel while it's still fresh in my mind.
> 
> All of this just started because a friend commented on a weeping willow looking like a crying lady and I had such a perfect image of it in my head. But since I can't draw (at all), I wrote a story instead. Close enough.

It is incredibly new to me. That feeling of waking up with a warm glow in my chest. But it’s there and it’s real. It’s also all Simon. He is so incredibly perfect. Better than I dreamed about when I was emailing Jacques. It’s only been two weeks, but it has been so worth it.

Simon asks less and less about the Faery thing. As surprising as it might be, I think he is more interested in me as a person than he is in that entire magical world he discovered. It makes me feel so incredibly special. As a person, and not a mystical creature.

And the way he looks at me…

I used to feel sorry for the willows by the sacred pond. I don’t anymore. I feel sorry for those who went for love and knew only rejection, but those who got to live what I live? Aren’t they the lucky ones? Wasn’t it all worth it?

Mom still isn’t a big fan of it all. She is still afraid, sure, but I think a tiny part of her also resents me because I am embracing being a Faery while taking something forbidden that she gave up for herself. In the end, she didn’t come for lunch when Hannah invited her. I don’t know if she wasn’t ready to reconnect with her sister or if she didn’t want to meet Simon. I didn’t ask, but I am pretty sure she didn’t go see dad either.

But I know we will show her that everything is fine. I am fine, Simon doesn’t have malice or ill-advised intentions, and if heartbreak happens, it won’t be because anyone planned for it. And, as Hannah was saying, life has many other dangers. At least, we all walked into this fully aware of what was at stake. I know it frightens Simon a little bit, the power he has over me, and I think I do too, but we don’t let ourselves – or each other – spiral into any unhealthy anxiety over it.

And as for Mom… I try to ease her into it. A couple of days ago, she asked me if I was in love with Simon. At first, I wanted to tell her the truth. That it was a done deal and that I was happy about it. But there was such concern in her eyes, a dark grey between fear and terror. So I said that I didn’t believe I was yet but that we were definitely heading that way.

I have seen some positive changes in her already. For the last week, she has been gardening every day. Without gloves. She even spent some time in the hidden garden.

Baby steps.

I get ready for school, enjoying that feeling of happiness mixed with impatience. Very soon, I will see Simon. We will smile at each other, not kiss because we can’t push things – although it doesn’t feel as bad when it’s for all human reasons – but hold hands to our lockers. Abby will look happy, Nick will pretend he doesn’t see it, Leah will claim it’s sickening, and Garrett will make a joke about being jealous.

I might love this new routine even more than I love Simon. The keyword being ‘might’.

Garrett is the first person I meet on the parking lot.

“Hey, Garrett. Are you still up for extra practice after school?”

“Absolutely! We need to remain undefeated! Hey, I need to go to the library, are you coming?”

“No, I need to see Simon.”

“Simon? Spier?”

“Yes, Spier, who else?”

“No, of course, it’s just surprising.”

“Really? I know I’m a nerd, but why would it be surprising that I would want to see Simon more than go to the library?”

“Well… I didn’t even know the two of you were talking. I don’t recall you speaking directly to him. Like… ever.”

Garrett’s sentence stops me dead. “What?” I look in his eyes for that little sparkle he always has when he is joking. But there is nothing but confusion in them. “Uh… I’ll meet you in the library, okay?”

Simon’s car is there so he must be somewhere inside. I find him by his locker, alone. He sees me and a smile spread on his face, warming my heart, calming the panic that was spreading in my chest. “Hi,” he says. “I haven’t seen Garrett yet.”

“I have, he’s in the library.”

The panic starts growing again because then Simon looks at me with politely curious eyes, as if he is waiting to know what could possibly drive me to talk to him if I already know where Garrett is.

“I… I was thinking about the science project and I was wondering if you’d be my partner.” We already agreed to be partners. In another life, one where Garrett would know why I want to see Simon and Simon wouldn’t politely try to find Garrett for me.

“Oh… Aren’t you partnering with Garrett?”

“Uh…” Very good point. Before Simon, objectively, I was pretty much glued to Garrett. “Someone from the team asked him to partner and I just thought… You, Nick, and Leah are a trio, so someone is probably partner-less, so…” I am trying to think on my feet and I’m not doing a brilliant job. But Simon seems to believe it. Curiosity is replaced by embarrassment on his face.

“Oh. That’s very nice, but I think that Nick is going to partner with Abby.” Of course, he is. And if this had been a real situation, I would have known that they would have worked things out that way. “But if you don’t have a partner…”

“No, don’t worry. We’ll work it out with the guys from the soccer team.”

Simon seems relieved, I mumble something about having to find Garrett, and I walk away.

But I don’t go to Garrett. I walk straight to my car. I have never skipped school before, but this is too important. And I am not stupid enough to not understand what happened. I need to fix this, now. Or, rather, I need her to fix this.

I might have been speeding, because the next thing I know, I am home. Thankfully, my mother doesn’t work today. Not that it matters. I would have made a scene at the hospital if it came to that. I know it was her when she looks absolutely unsurprised to see me barge in when I should be getting ready for my first period.

“Bram, you shouldn’t be home right now.”

“Why do my best friend and my boyfriend not remember that I actually have a boyfriend?”

She looks at me and there is no trace of shame, guilt, or embarrassment in her eyes. Just a determination that I do not understand.

“You know it’s for the best, Bram.”

“For the best? How is any of this for the best?”

“I know that you think that you are grown-up enough to make decisions this big for yourself, but you are a teenager, Bram. You are not even done with high school. You’re not even legally allowed to drink or vote. As your mother, I am in charge of your wellbeing for a few more years if not forever. And whichever twisted vision of reality Hannah sold you during the few hours you have known her, this is a decision you cannot take now. In a few years, when you are an adult, and you had time to properly think about the consequences, then you will be able to make life-threatening decisions. But not just yet.”

“Mom…”

“No! I know that falling in love sounds glamourous. Don’t you think we all dream of it? Finding that one person who will love us and overcome that curse? But that’s not how it works, Bram. Yes, it worked for your aunt. Actually… it might have worked. Because that first boy who left her… if she is still here, she might not have loved him that deeply. Do not confuse relationships for love. Or lust, for that matter. I know that you are a teenager and things are happening in your body, but… I might be the only parent to say such a thing to their teenage son, but you do not need to fall in love to explore some urges you might have, Bram.”

“So you took Simon away? Wait… is that why you’ve been so close to nature lately? So you could charge up your powers?”

“Yes. It took a lot from me to erase the memory of your relationship from that many people without removing the memory of you altogether. I am offering you a choice, Bram. We can stay here. But if you get close to that boy again, I will erase the memory of you from all your friends and I will make us move again.”

“Mom, it’s too late for that.”

“From where I stand, it is just on time. You were falling for that boy. I needed to stop that before you reached that point of non-return, Bram.”

I completely freeze. My white lie coming back to haunt me. I need to think fast and sort this. I can’t tell my mom the truth. It would break her, and it wouldn’t help. I know the limits of her powers. It doesn’t work on Faeries and she can never put back what she took away. The damage is done.

I need to make sure that she thinks I am complying with what she wants while I can think this through. I can’t let her take me away. I need to make this right. And even if I can’t share much with him, I need Garrett by my side to give me strength while I do this.

“Is it okay if I skip school today.”

Mom sighs but she agrees. “I will call the school. Do you want us to do something to change your mind?”

“Mom, don’t take it the wrong way, but I don’t want to spend time with you right now.”

“I understand. But I promise you, Bram, it will all be for the best in the end.”

I nod. It will all be alright, yes. Because I am going to fix this.

I go to the bathroom first and take my t-shirt off. There is this burn on my chest that I need to examine. Oh. _Oh_. It’s there. A little mark just on my heart. It’s brown and the texture is rough. It is like bark. Oh gosh. It is happening.

Okay. I need to take a deep breath. I can keep this under control. I am convinced that if I can’t stop it, I can at least delay it. Simon didn’t reject or leave me. He didn’t break my heart. My mother did. This is why the pain isn’t unbearable and why I barely feel the shift it’s slow. I have time. Not much but I have time. Usually, it takes a couple of days. So what do I have? A week? Two? I wouldn’t bet a month. I need to act fast.

There is no way for me to get Simon – or any of our friends – to remember what happened. But there is another way.

I need to make Simon fall in love with me again.

I know my mom did things right and that Simon will have forgotten Blue as well. It doesn’t matter that she doesn’t know about it. If Simon had a connection in his mind between me and Blue, then it’s gone. If she had done that before the big reveal, that could have been my way out.

But no. I will have to fight every shy fiber in my body and make Simon fall in love with me within two weeks. Sure, I would very much appreciate the help of months and months of slow-burn emails, but I can do that on my own, can’t I?

I know Simon better now and I know he can fall in love with me. I just need to create opportunities for us to bond and then find a way to have that one magical moment that would seal the deal. Even if Simon doesn’t fall in love with me within two weeks, if we start dating again, surely the process will start to reverse anyway, right? Or at least be put on pause?

Yes. It’s going to be okay. All I have to do is get my boyfriend back.


	2. Chapter 2

It all sounds romantic on paper. Loving someone so deeply and purely that life cannot go on without them. It even raises an interesting question: is Simon the only one I can love because I'll die without him, or will I die without Simon because he's the only one I can love? The difference is subtle but interesting.

However, in reality, I do not want to turn into a tree Not even a sacred willow. I know it doesn't mean immortality. That tree will not be me. It will be a broken fragment of me, at peace but incomplete. What will happen to the rest of me then? Will I die? Disappear? Be swallowed by the sacred wood? I don’t know if it is a better or worse fate than real death and it terrifies me.

But above all things, I don't want to find out because I want more time with Simon. I finally decided which path I wanted to take, we were happy, he still wanted me… It wasn't supposed to end. Not yet. Not like this.

“Leah!”

Leah Burke turns around and seems in a state of shock that I am actually talking to her. I know that before Simon I wasn’t really talking to any of them, and I know that even for me it’s been barely two weeks, but I still find very annoying that they all forgot so easily about it. It saddens me, even.

“Greenfeld? I haven’t seen Garrett.”

I understand why everyone just assumes that I’m looking for Garrett, but it’s eye-opening to realize that everyone was seeing me that way. I don’t know if it is because they think I am only able to socially function around Garrett (which might have been true, let’s face it), or because they have no idea about any topic of conversation that might interest me.

I guess I used to be a bit afraid of the world around me. That human world I wasn’t sure I could fit in. How crazy to think that just two weeks with Simon changed my perception of life so deeply. I also just now realize how grateful I should be to Garrett who saw me through my shyness and became my first real friend. Probably the only one until Jacques.

I need to do something amazing to thank my best friend to be the incredible person that he is. And to apologize for what I am about to do.

“I’m not looking for Garrett, I was looking for you.”

“Oh. Well, I’m here.”

“I wanted to talk to you about science partners. Would you swap with me?”

“Why? Who’s your partner?”

“Garrett.”

“Did you guys have a fight?”

_No. I just need to spend time with your partner so he can fall in love with me, so I don’t turn into a tree._

I obviously don’t say that.

“No. I just really think he might want to do this project with you?”

“Why? Your grades are probably better than mine.”

“I think he has a crush on you.”

Yes, I just threw my best friend under the bus. But I’m literally dying. That gives me a free pass, surely.

Leah’s eyes open wide. “What?”

“Please, don’t tell him that I told you. But he would never tell you or try anything and… I really think you should give him a chance.”

Leah looks at me like I’m crazy. Like she’s never seen me before. And, truthfully, this is not me. Selling my friend out like that, I would never have done this. And there might be so much easier ways to get close to Simon. But I am desperate. The spot on my chest is growing very slowly, but it is growing. I traced it yesterday before bed and this morning it was definitely larger.

Against all odds, Leah says: “Fine. I spend all my time with Simon anyway and _I guess_ it could be good to talk to other people.”

“And Garrett has better grades than Simon in biology?”

“Yes, there is that too,” she replies with a smile.

I don’t know why Leah said yes. I don’t care that much. I can’t care. I’ll care about what my friends think, about what I’ve done to Garrett, about how I feel about what my mother did later. All of that will have to wait.

Leah saved me some awkwardness by telling Simon herself about the switch. So the following biology lesson, Simon sits next to me with an embarrassed smile. “Hi. So… I’m not sure what happened, but apparently Leah stole Garrett from you. And… I guess you’re stuck with me.”

 _I wish_.

“I really don’t mind.”

“Yeah, but… I’m not as good as Garrett in biology.”

“That’s fine. I happen to be quite good in biology.”

“Good enough for two?” Simon asks with a smile.

“Let’s find out.”

It’s not a let’s-fall-in-love good conversation, but it’s definitely a let’s-not-be-awkward-anymore introduction of sorts and it’s pretty much what I wanted for our first conversation. According to Simon.

Garrett stops at my table and shoots me a questioning look. “You’re teaming up with Leah,” I tell him. He looks surprised, pleased, amused, embarrassed, grateful, resigned, and then happy. In that order. In less than two seconds. I just can read him that well.

“Fine. But if you get a better grade than me, I’ll be really annoyed.” All I hear is ‘If she turns me down, I’ll blame you’, and that’s fair enough. Besides, this term we are studying plants. I’ll get a better grade than him. I’ll get a better grade than anyone else. The only thing Mr. Stone (yes, that was funny when we were studying geology) can teach me is the human science of plants.

It might be how Hermione felt in Muggle Studies lessons.

I am a bit nervous. It is really odd to talk to someone you have a history with when they don’t know it. I must be careful not to mention anything I have learned in the past two weeks or as Blue. It is really hard. I so desperately want to tell him that he can’t remember it, but we had been emailing for months, sharing everything with each other, and had the two most amazing weeks of my life.

Instead, we make small talk. I ask questions I already know the answer to but are the basics of getting to know each other. I also ask questions I never asked him before and that takes away some of the feelings of having to do everything from scratch again. It’s not as if twenty years were wiped away. Simon and I were still getting to know each other.

And I think we’re clicking. Even the moments we’re supposed to be quiet, Simon whispers things or passes notes. At one point, I think Mr. Stone spots us talking when we weren’t supposed to, but I give him my best teacher’s pet smile and he pretends he didn’t notice anything. I’m pretty sure I’m his favorite student, but it’s the first time I’ve tested that theory. I feel very awkward doing this, but if Simon wants to talk to me, I’m not killing that conversation. Not even for basic politeness.

At the end of the lesson, as we are packing our stuff, Simon tells me something that he never did before.

“I’m glad I was right.”

“What about?”

“I always thought that you were very funny in your head. Or for real but were too shy to share it with the world. Or anyone who’s not Garrett.”

“You had a theory about me?”

“It was something in your eyes.”

This is it. We’re about to share a moment, right? Not a fall-in-love moment, but a oh-hey-maybe-there’s-something-worth-exploring moment.

But then Simon seems to realize what he said and blushes. It would be endearing if it didn’t feel like a step back. I can’t have him feel embarrassed or closeted around me. About me. I still think I can bring him back, even use it as an opening to a more personal, and in this case useful – conversation.

But Garrett is suddenly by my side and I can tell from Simon’s face that whatever we shared a minute ago isn’t there anymore. I would like to focus on the positive but… there is this little burn in my chest and I know that the mark grew. Not much. A millimeter or so. But still.

“You know,” Garrett tells me as we leave the room just the two of us, “I would be mad at you for ditching me if it didn’t go so well.”

Did it? Wait… He can’t be talking about me and Simon. “What went well?”

“With Leah.”

“Oh.” A few days ago, I would have been so happy for him. Right now I’m somewhere between ‘I don’t care that much’ and ‘I’m jealous’. I have been the worst friend ever today. The good news is that if it continues like this, I won’t be able to be a shitty friend for long…

“Yes. No offense, but this might have been my best biology lesson ever!”

Okay. Maybe I’m still happy for him. How could I not when he has such a goofy smile on his face?

Over the weekend, Simon and I message. First about the science project, then about other things. I don’t push too much for private things as I know he wouldn’t open up to me. I’m still pretty much a stranger to him and I need to find the right pace between ‘I need this to happen now’ and ‘Blue and Jacques took half a year to fall for each other’.

Then as the week progresses, we keep working on the project. We don’t move really fast because we spend so much time talking, which I think is a good sign. He also tells me things that make my heart glow a little bit. About how he wishes we got to talk earlier. That he is impressed that I am good at English, science, and soccer. That he wishes I will come to see the play. That he always like the friendship I had with Garrett as it seemed special. All those little things that say that he did notice me, even without Blue, and that he liked what he saw.

It makes me feel enough. It makes me feel like we are definitely going in the right direction. That I can make Simon fall in love with me again.

The mark isn’t growing anymore. It’s around the size of a fist. I don’t know if it will go away when I get Simon back or if it’s here forever now. I don’t mind that much. I’ll happily keep it if I still have Simon by my side.

Although, to be honest, I did try to peel it off. It hurt like hell, enough to make me properly cry out (thankfully my mother wasn’t home) and it didn’t move. I bled through it though. So… I’m not trying that again.

On Wednesday, I ask Simon if he’d like to go to the botanical garden with me on Friday after school. I use the project as an excuse, but what I really want to do is go back to where we had our first date, take him to that place he called ridiculously romantic (back when he was the one chasing me), and try to create a moment. Turn the work date into a real date.

I don’t know if I can pull it off. But even if I don’t, it’s extra time with Simon. I know he isn’t my boyfriend anymore, I know he might never be again, but… I am still in love with him and being around him does me good.

Simon accepts and suddenly, I can’t wait for the weekend.

On Thursday (one more day to go), Garrett tells me that he asked Leah out on a date and that she said yes. Because things are going so well with Simon, I can properly be happy for him this time. We spend our free period discussing his date plans and I am so very close to coming out to him again.

But I don’t want to jinx things. I’ll tell him when Simon and I are back together. Just like the first time.

Then something odd happens. Something that I don’t understand at first. In biology, Simon mentions knowing about Garrett and Leah’s date, and that he is sorry about it. That he hopes it’s not awkward. At first, I think that he means that I won’t have my best friend around as much and barely discard it. But in the middle of soccer practice, I understand his real meaning. Simon is under the impression that I have a thing for Leah and he thinks that my best friend took her from me.

I can’t have that. The absolute last thing I need right now is the love of my life thinking that I am off-limit because I am straight.

After practice, I take the quickest shower of my life (but a shower nonetheless because I can’t smell of sweat when I get to Simon) and I rush to the auditorium. The rehearsal is finished but, thankfully, the drama club students haven’t left yet. I can’t see Simon though.

I ask Abby and she tells me that he went to put some of the equipment back. I quickly thank her, and I go to the storage room, thinking that it will be the first time since he forgot being my boyfriend that Simon and I are going to be in a room just the two of us.

I can’t wait. I can’t help but hope that something might happen. Even something as small as an understanding moment. I could tell him, there in the privacy of the storage room, that I am not into Leah because I am not into girls. That I am not into Leah because I am into someone else… Even he can’t be oblivious enough to not put things together, right?

Yes. Let’s do that. Time to take risks, Greenfeld.

But I open the door and my entire world crumbles around me. Simon is there, lips attached to Cal Price’s… It’s not just a small tentative kiss. Their bodies are pressed against each other, they are so caught up in the moment that they didn’t even hear me, Cal’s hands are running in Simon’s hair like only I should be allowed to…

I feel my heart shatter. Then there is this intense, massive, painful burn in my chest and I know that in less than a second, the mark just spread to my entire chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'But Leah is supposed to be with Abby'. Yes, well I haven't read that book, Garrett is allowed one happy ending, and that's clearly not the least canon thing in this chapter.
> 
> Then again if you have a heart, you should be annoyed by something else right now...


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go. A full sequel that won't remain unfinished for months. That's a nice change...

I managed to make a swift exit without the love of my life or his new boyfriend ever knowing that I was there. I just couldn’t. Just as the mark started spreading – fast – I just didn’t have it in me to fight anymore. Not even for Simon.

As I was driving home, I felt a pain, a despair, and a melancholy that I don’t think are exactly mine, slowly fill me.

I know it’s because of the heartbreak. Something bigger than me is taking over. I had often wondered what made us different from humans. Why we couldn’t survive something as common as a heartbreak. Now that I feel all those negative feelings grow inside of me, slowly taking all the room in there, I understand.

The pain is going to keep expanding until it swallows me and the only thing that would be able to soothe me, even a little, would be to get as close to nature as I can. Let it take the piece of me that’s hurting so I can be at peace.

I’m not even sure if I am going to be turned into a tree by an external force or if I’ll willingly change myself. The thing is, twenty minutes ago it would have been a crazy thought. Never would I have thought that I would stop fighting, that I would give up, and that I would willingly cease to exist as I am. Right now, though, it sounds surprisingly appealing.

I get home and stumble in the living room. Thankfully, Mom is there, getting ready for her shift.

“Bram? What are you doing home? Is everything alright?” In her voice, there is no reproach, just concern. I probably look like a mess. I started crying five minutes ago – more for Simon than my own life, I think – and I have been unable and unwilling to stop since.

“Mom…” my voice comes out broken as I lift my t-shirt, showing her the mark that covers my entire chest, now making its way to my back, my neck, my stomach… spreading faster now that my heart truly is broken.

“When did that start?” she asks, sounding genuinely dumbfounded.

“When do you think?”

“You said you weren’t in love with him…” she whispers almost to herself, as if having an excuse would change the outcome. “But it was almost a week ago. How is the progression so slow?”

“Because I thought I could get him back?”

“Alright. Let’s not panic. If the progression is this slow, we can handle it.”

“How? You can’t give him his memory back. And anyway… it’s not slow anymore.”

“Why? What happened?”

“Simon got a boyfriend.” Of course he did. I couldn’t expect him to wait for me if he doesn’t know I exist. And I was foolish to think that I would be the only one to notice him with his mesmerizing eyes, his warm energy, his kissable lips, and his bed hair. His bed hair that Cal Price gets to touch now.

My mother is most definitely still in shock, not processing everything, and she isn’t sad or panicked. She is organized and matter of fact about it.

“We need to go to Savannah. Whatever comes next, we need to be somewhere safe for you when that happens.”

I nod. This is it. I feel the spread as it happens. It’s a matter of hours now. A day, maybe. And she is right. Out of all of my realistic options, I would rather be a tree than a rock. And if I am a tree, I would rather be a sacred willow and have some trace of me survive. Who knows, maybe Faeries have this affliction so we can turn into these trees. Maybe this is the natural course of things. Or, maybe, my mind is tricking me to believe that this is what I want.

She starts crying half an hour before we get there. In five minutes, I think she apologized twenty times. Behind all her words, I hear that terrible truth: whatever happens to me in the next day, she will have to live with it for the rest of her life.

“Mom, I forgive you.” I don’t know if that’s true. At least not entirely. I forgive her for killing me. I truly do. I understand how it happens and I can see the situation through her eyes. But I cannot forgive taking Simon from me. I don’t think that’s just the heartbreak. It doesn’t matter. She needs to hear that sentence and I want to give her the possibility to rebuild herself once I’m gone. To hold on to the flickering thought that Simon would have broken my heart anyway and that at least she tried to save me from it. She won’t convince herself every day, but sometimes.

I can’t focus on it, on her, now. My mind is more and more focused on the ache in my heart. Physically and emotionally. It’s really odd. Of course I am sad, angry, maybe devastated, about that kiss between Cal and Simon. But I know that something else is pulling me down. Adding to my pain and obsession.

I have this longing to just lie on the grass, close my eyes, and let the pain be washed away until I forget that I live in a world where Simon doesn’t want me.

It’s harder and harder to focus on anything that doesn’t have to do with what I saw when I opened that door. It’s almost like I can’t even remember the good times with Simon. I have no idea why I fell in love with him anymore. The only thing I can focus on is how he found another boy to love. That our love must not have been real or important enough. Because if Simon had truly loved me once, he would have loved me twice.

And that just hurts.

Argh. Why can’t I get past this? Why am I obsessed with this feeling? Why can’t I think clearly?

Of course, I know why. But I didn’t expect it to take my thought process over like this. I don’t know what I expected, but… I thought my head would stay clear until the end. It’s not. And it hurts.

I look down and I can see the mark on my arms, past the fabric of my clothes. It is almost comforting. It will all be over soon, and I won’t have to feel like this anymore.

I must have phased out more than I thought, focused on this apparently never-ending pain in my soul, because when we reach the sacred pond, Hannah is there. When did Mom call her? I can actually tell from her face that she is hoping that my aunt will have a last-minute solution that will save my life.

But it is too late. I know it for two reasons. First, the mark, although it hasn’t spread on my entire skin yet, isn’t just on the surface anymore. It’s getting deeper, turning me to my core. And second, I lost the ability to care. Live. Die. Is there a difference if Simon doesn’t want me? I just want to stay here, surrounded by old souls who knew once what I am going through, cry all my pain away, letting it fall into the pond, one tear at a time, as I slowly lose the ability to feel. It even seems like a good bargain. I won’t ever feel any sort of positive emotion, but I also won’t ever have to feel this one again.

I only vaguely notice what is happening around me. I have lost the will and ability to care about what is happening around me. There is nothing but the stiffness taking over my body, the pain sharpening and dulling at the same time.

But I am pretty sure that Hannah told my mother that there is nothing to do, that if she had to go through it, she would have turned too, and that it’s time to say goodbye. My mother hysterically cries for a while – I don’t know how long, I am too focused on the pond. I kneeled in front of it and I have been mesmerized by it ever since. It’s almost as if when I think about the pond, I don’t think about Simon. I’m not even crying anymore.

The stiffer I get, the less pain I feel.

I slightly snap out of it when my mother kneels right next to me. I struggle to follow everything she is telling me – partly because she is crying so much and partly because focusing seems something I don’t remember how to do. At first, though, it appears that she is following Hannah’s advice. She tells me how she has always loved me more than life itself, that I am the only thing she ever wished for in life, that she would give anything to be able to go back and give Simon a chance (even in my daze, I notice that she didn’t say keep me from Simon), that she will look after my garden when I’m gone… She is saying goodbye.

I think that Hannah tells me things at some point too, but since they both mentioned Simon, my mind and heart are back there and there is too much pain to focus on what she is saying. I think that I still appreciate the intention.

And then my mother gets desperate. She begs me to fight, to live, to not turn her into an infanticidal mother, and as she does, she tries to peel the bark from my skin. It’s the worst pain I’ve ever felt. It overshadows everything else, even the heartbreak. But it doesn’t solve anything. I can feel the disease spread even deeper, as if it were reacting. I think Hannah notices first. Maybe not that my mother is killing me faster, but at least that she is hurting me beyond reason.

So she pulls her back and holds her as my mother cries the pain of losing her son and being so completely powerless about it.

I wish I could share that moment with her. Feel for her. But I can’t. I am barely sorry for her pain. I am too busy feeling the loss of the boy I loved. Two weeks. I had two weeks with him. Was it worth it? I am not so sure anymore…

But everything will be alright really soon.

Just a little while longer, and then no worries, no pain… just peace. I can already taste it.

I can tell the second the pain disappears. There is nothing but quietness. I know I used to be able to form complex thoughts and have layered feelings. I understand the concept. But that also suddenly feels very alien to me.

Why would anyone feel anything other than this peacefulness?

The transformation is far from complete. Until the illness has spread through my entire body, I won’t start properly change into a tree, but… my mind is nearly there already. And it’s just like I thought. I can feel some parts of me, the parts I won’t get use for anymore, ready to be swallowed by the soil under me. Maybe all those emotions will feed the sacred wood. Maybe the love I have (had?) for Simon will make the most beautiful flower bloom.

As a Faery, I could see beauty in that and accept that all of this was worth it.

I close my eyes. My mother and my aunt don’t exist anymore. The pond and the wood don’t exist anymore. The pain and the heartache don’t exist anymore. There is nothing but the spread of the now familiar burn in my body. My face, my hands, and somewhere deep inside my chest. That’s all that’s left. Not for long. A few more minutes and I can start my new existence.

Then something happens that takes me out of my peaceful state of mind. No time has passed. I can tell from the evolution of the mark. Face, hands, inside chest are still unaffected.

Something is happening, though. I don’t want to let it affect me, so I keep my eyes closed.

But I can’t shake that feeling that whatever is happening is more important than the peacefulness I am currently seeking.

I open my eyes and the first thing I see are two moon-gray eyes looking at me worryingly. That’s what got me out of my torpor. Simon calling my name. There is a moment of hesitation when I am not entirely sure of what’s happening. Is Simon here, or is it my reward for fully combining with Nature? Do I now get to live forever with a version of my lost love?

But Simon cups my face and I know that it’s real. I don’t understand. What is Simon doing here? How is he here?

“Bram! I’m here, I’m back. Please, come back to me.”

“Simon?” I still can’t process things properly.

He seems a bit relieved that I recognized him, that I am even talking, but I can still see tears threatening to build up in his eyes.

“Yeah,” he says, a bit breathless. “It’s me. I’m here.”

I’d like to cup his face too but my hands are too stiff to move no, the condition steadily spreading.

“You remember me?”

“Of course, I remember you. You didn’t think even your mom could take Blue away from me forever? Or a world where boys can make flowers bloom by touching them? Or a reality where the school’s soccer star lets me kiss him? Or that I love you?”

Here they are. The forbidden words. They awaken something in me, though. I know it’s too late, I know it’s a lost cause, but I want to fight for Simon. He is here. My heart can be at peace again. And I want more time with him.

It makes me brave enough to say the words I thought I would never be able to.

“I lo…”

But Simon presses his hand over my mouth. “No! You’re not allowed to say this, Bram! Not until you’ve come back to me.”

“Simon, I can’t…”

“Of course, you can! I’m here. I remember you. I love you. I never broke your heart. I know I forgot you, but… I beat that. I f I beat magic, then you can do it. Please.”

He is crying now and I want to cry with him. But I can’t. It’s an emotional concept far too complex for me to grasp right now.

“I don’t know how, Simon.”

He leans his forehead against mine. “Bram… If you turn into a tree… I’ll come here so often, to read under your branches, to tell you about my life and hope that you can hear me… I’ll stay in your life. But I’d rather my first love to be a boy that I can hopefully love forever, and not a tree somewhere in Georgia. Plus, you’re breaking the deal, Bram. You weren’t supposed to turn into a tree if I didn’t break your heart. And I didn’t do that.”

“I saw you with Cal,” I whisper. Talking is getting harder as my throat is getting thicker.

“No!” Simon says, visibly annoyed. Even angry. “Don’t you dare blame that on me, Bram! I… You were pretty much a stranger to me then. You weren’t even a possibility! But I’m here. The second I remembered you, Bram, there was no one but you.”

“How did you remember me?”

“Does that matter right now?”

No, I guess it doesn’t. I feel my eyes start to close again and I hear Simon shouting my name. I hear other voices too, but they are too far away for me to work out what they are saying or who they belong to. I have the vague impression that there is a fifth person with us, but that might just be my mind tricking me.

I have another spike of consciousness when Simon’s lips crash on mine. It feels like I can breathe again. I let myself fully feel it. It’s going to be the last kiss of my life, and I want it to leave an imprint on my heart while it still can.

Very soon, I can’t even respond to the kiss anymore.

Simon can tell instantly what’s happening and I hear him talk to me although I can’t understand it. I can’t make out the words, but I still understand the emotions. Actually, I can feel all the emotions around me.

Fear, loss, despair, helplessness, mostly. I get slightly more from Simon. Love. Frustration and anger, too.

He lets it all out by trying to rip away the skin that turned into bark. That’s when I know that it is the end: it doesn’t hurt anymore. I remember the awful pain I felt when I tried, when my mother tried, but right now, I don’t feel anything. As Simon is desperately skinning me alive, I lose my ability to feel the pain.

I also start to lose the ability to feel the people around me and to form a coherent train of thought.

And then nothing.

My chest hurt. Breathing takes a little more effort than it should.

Wait… I shouldn’t even be breathing, right? And… I feel my body. My head hurts. My skin is itchy too. Is it just an impression? Just what I am used to? This isn’t the peace that was promised. Not even in my mind. I can still recall Simon and his kiss with Cal Price. Simon begging me not to leave him as I turned into a tree, unable to fight for him.

Then I realize that I’m thirsty. How can I be thirsty if I am a tree right next to a pond?

I also feel like… I’m lying in a bed? I try to move my fingers and… I have fingers to move.

I open my eyes and I am not in the sacred woods. I am not even outdoors. First, that panics me a little bit. Am I going to turn into a rock? Then I realize that… the incredible heartache and self-pity I felt when I was turning are gone. If I think about Simon and Cal kissing… I am a bit upset, but I see it as a challenge more than the end. I know I could get Simon back.

Although… Do I even have to? Did Simon come back to me or was that a dream?

And how am I even still me?

I look around, trying to ground myself a little bit. I know this room. I have slept in it once (I guess twice, now). With Simon. I am at Hannah’s.

I turn my head and, by the bed, is the last person I would have expected to be there. Scrolling on his phone, still unaware of me, is Garrett.

I groan, trying to sit up and his eyes dart toward me. He discards his phone and smiles, looking carefree and amused. I know it’s a façade for whatever is going inside his head, but that’s also exactly what I need: finally someone not being worried about me. That means I’m not dying anymore, surely?

“Guess what. Apparently, my best friend almost turned into a tree.”

“Oh?” Even that is had to say, my throat feeling a little weird.

“Yeah. Something to do with dating Spier and being a magical creature that can solve deforestation.” I should be overwhelmed by my best friend accepting me so easily, but it mostly just feels right. Garrett being by my side no matter what.

“I can’t fix deforestation,” I reply, thinking about how much energy it would take me to make a single tree grow. “And… Simon… you remember me dating him?”

Garrett’s face grows a little more serious. “No.”

“Then how are you here?”

“It’s the weirdest story. Are you sure you’re up for it?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’ve been sort of waking up only to go back to sleep a lot in the last twelve hours.”

“I did?”

“To be fair, now you’re speaking coherently, so I guess you’re back.”

“I guess I am.”

“So yesterday, I was getting into my car after a soccer practice that you fled, and poof, Spier appears, asking me where to find you. I don’t know, I tell him that I don’t know, and poof, Spier is gone. It was weird, but anyone is entitled a little weirdness, so I just went home.”

“So far, it’s not a really good story,” I tell him.

“I know. The disruptive element comes now. I’m at home, eating snickerdoodles, when someone rings on the door. Do you want to guess who it was?”

“I’m going to have a wild guess and say Simon.”

“It was. Just like in a romantic movie. Only you’ll be devastated to know that he was not there to declare his love to me.”

“Yeah, I’m properly heartbroken.”

“Don’t. I don’t want to do the whole tree thing again. Anyhow, Simon asks me if I remember you and him being a thing. Which I really don’t, because until that point it never occurred to me that you might be into dudes. But I also had to admit that there had been some signs that you might be soft on Simon. Anyway, I didn’t, and apparently he did, and he looked very freaked out, and I didn’t get why. He tells me that his sister has the car, and that he needs a lift to Savannah. In the car, he tells me all about… everything. And it’s the most ridiculous story ever, right? Except for some reason, I believe every word. Then we end up in this weird wood where my best friend was turning into a weird version of Pinocchio…”

“You just followed Simon to Savannah?”

“Technically, I drove him there. And of course, I did. He said you might die.”

“Yeah, about that… how did I not die?”

“Okay, you need to realize that I had A LOT of mind-blowing revelations over the last day, so I’m not sure I followed everything. But… your aunt and your mom talked about it a lot. None of them knows what happened. It seemed unheard of and impressive. But apparently, it’s also the first time, for obvious reason, that the heartbreaker came back. It’s so clearly Simon who brought you back. When you saw him, and even more when you two kissed, the stuff on your skin started changing color. Like it was drying out or dying. The Simon peeled it off. We tried to help but when we touched you it wasn’t coming off and it was bleeding, but when Simon touched it, it looked easier than peeling a tangerine.”

I’m not sure it’s a flattering image.

“You scared us, though. You passed out as soon as he started, and you’ve been sort of coming and going ever since. Never coherent.”

“Where is everyone?”

“Asleep. Your aunt managed to convince your mother pretty quickly that she needed rest after the day she had, that she couldn’t help anyway, but Simon… I tried to drag him out of here, but it didn’t work. He was convinced, probably with good reason, that you needed him close to get better.”

“And?”

“So I went to sleep for a few hours and when I came back, he was on the verge of passing out from exhaustion. It wasn’t hard to convince him to go to bed then.” Then Garrett leans back and his full smile is back. “How Bram of you, though.”

“What?”

“You nearly died, you look and sound like shit, no offense, but you’re worried about everyone else.” I shrug, a bit embarrassed. “Seriously, can I do something for you?”

“I’m thirsty.”

“Sure. I’ll be right back.”

Garrett leaves the room and I really want to go find Simon. Or my mom. Tell them that I’m okay. Although… I mostly want to see Simon. Check if he still remembers me. Get my boyfriend back. Learn how he remembered me.

But my head still hurts a lot and I feel dizzy. I know I shouldn’t get up. Plus, according to Garrett, everyone is asleep. I can rest another hour or so.

Garrett comes back with water and I’ve never been so grateful for him. And it’s not all about the water. It’s about everything.

“So. You can make flowers bloom and trees grow, huh?”

“Probably not right now.”

“But as soon as you’re feeling better, you’re showing me, right?”

“Yes.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“Can you do that with any plant?”

“Pretty much.”

“Can you grow a baobab in my garden?”

“Hypothetically.”

“Why not for real?”

“It won’t grow properly on its own, and if I fully grow it, don’t you think people will notice?”

“Fair. Then we should start a drug cartel.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“That would pay for college.”

“Oh, good point. We should definitely start a drug cartel now.”

Garrett and I keep being silly like this for a while. Just like Simon did when he found out, Garrett surprisingly quickly lets go of the Faery thing to focus on the Bram he knows. I am a bit overwhelmed by the people in my life right now.

The more Garrett and I talk, the more I feel like myself. Until: “Garrett, I…”

“Want to go wake up that boyfriend I forgot you even had?”

“Something like that.”

“He’s in the next room. But just so you know, the second you leave this bed, I claim it for myself and catch up on the sleep you made me lose. So you’ll have to stay with him at least until morning.”

I smile. “Deal.”

I had never seen Simon sleep before. He almost looks younger. He looks as beautiful as ever. I am very nervous. What if he only remembered me temporarily? What if the only reason he remembered me was because I was turning into a tree? What if we are lost in a vicious cycle of pain?

I kneel in front of the bed, desperate to know that this boy is mine again, that I am allowed to reach and touch him.

Even if I’m still not sure, I run my fingers gently on his cheek and call out his name softly. Simon stretches and half opens his eyes. The moment he realizes that it’s me, his eyes open wide, the warmest smile spreads on his face, and he exclaims: “Bram!”

“Hi.”

He jumps out of bed and next thing I know I lost balance, I am sitting on the floor, Simon is straddling me, holding me tight. I hold him even closer. For a long moment, we just hug each other, in this uncomfortable yet comforting position.

I am a bit surprised by the violence of the emotions inside of me. We dated two weeks and he forgot me eight days. But there have been the emails. There has been the depth of what we shared. There has been a life and death situation.

“I missed you,” I whisper.

“You scared me so much.”

And then, finally, the words I could never say before make their way out. “I love you, Simon.”

He kisses me and I can breathe properly again.

Thanks to soccer, I have the strength and balance to lift Simon and take us back to the bed without breaking the kiss.

“That was very hot,” he giggles against my lips and I blush. He looks at me and the ‘hot’ comment is washed away by the happiness and the tenderness in his eyes. “How could I ever forget you?”

My heart feels warm. “You shouldn’t have been able to remember me. No one ever broke my mother’s spell before… How… When?”

Simon looks embarrassed. “You know I kiss Cal, right?” He doesn’t wait for an answer. That was rhetorical. “The first few seconds felt great. But then… it felt like he wasn’t the one I was supposed to kiss, and I couldn’t quite tell why. And after the kiss, he asked me if I wanted to go out with him. I was about to say yes, and I remembered that I was supposed to work on the biology project with you. The thought of the botanical garden just triggered something… Like I had been there with you before, but I couldn’t remember when, and I knew that it didn’t happen. And then… I was walking out of school and I had this super weird thought that I shouldn’t go out with Cal anyway because it wouldn’t be fair on Blue. That thought didn’t make any sense, but it was so important to me… And suddenly, I had this weird feeling that I had something important to do. That it had something to do with the botanical garden, Blue, the boy I should kiss instead of Cal, and you, somehow. It all clicked back when I saw the willow by the parking lot. And I knew. I just knew that, somehow, I got my memory back so I could save your life. Or at least try. So I went to find Garrett, and…”

“Yes, he told me what happened then.”

“I’m sorry I told him. It wasn’t my place.”

“Simon, it’s fine. I don’t mind. And even if I did, you would get a free pass for saving my life.”

He rests his forehead against mine. Although we have stopped kissing, we are still wrapped in each other and it feels so right.

“Was it weird?”

“What?”

“Knowing that we love each other but that I couldn’t remember it?”

“Weird isn’t the word I would use. But for a bit, I thought I could make you fall in love with me again.”

“Bram, you could have! I actually had to remind myself a few times that you were straight and that going to the botanical garden was _not a date_.”

“I am not, and I hoped it would be.”

“Yes, I know that _now._ But just so you know, if magic didn’t step in with you almost dying and me getting my memories back… even without Jacques and Blue, you could totally have stolen me from Cal…”

I smile because I could hear that it was the truth.

“I really tried to fight it, you know… it was just too overpowering… Thank you for saving my life.”

“Thank you for not dying on me. Or… turning into a tree. And, just so you know, I’ll take that curse out of your skin as many times as you need.”

“Let’s not do that again. Although it was getting very peaceful before you appeared just out of nowhere.”

“Oh? Then maybe I should have just left you alone…”

“But then I wouldn’t have been able to do this…” And I pull him for another kiss.

“Bram, I…”

“No.”

“You don’t even know what I was going to say.”

“I know, but I don’t want to talk about all of this. Not now. It’s all we’ll be talking about all day, with my aunt and my mother trying to understand this unprecedented event, with Garrett having more questions, with us all having to process something quite traumatic… I want a bit of a breather time before that happens. I want to be with my wonderful boyfriends, who loves and remembers me, I want to cuddle, I want to kiss, I want to look at him, I want to tell him that I love him because I do, and I want to feel a better kind of calm and quietness than I felt yesterday. Before everyone wakes up and I have to deal with the craziness.”

“I want just that too,” Simon replies. Then, after a pause, he asks: “Can we start with the kissing part?”

Yes. We can absolutely do that.

I don’t know if Simon and I are forever, I don’t know if I’ll really turn into a tree someday, I’m just grateful that I get to experience happiness a little while longer before that happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At some point, I might add a fourth chapter with nothing but magic and fluff. But I'll go back to the First Times series for a while first, I think.


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